In our journey to evolve and grow into the highest versions of ourselves, it is always good to be realistic. I faced this reality today while dealing with a situation and deciding how I wanted to handle it. The only problem is that the way my brain works is that in order to settle on a solution, I must not only find the solution that meets the current need, but also figure out how it can address any future issues that may arise. In my head, I think I am problem-solving for the future, but in reality, it is a trauma response. It’s my brain saying, "I don’t want to deal with this again," so it tries to create a solution that protects me both now and in the future.
I don’t know about you, but this habit of mine tends to do more damage than good. Let me explain. If you are like me, you can get caught up in trying to protect the delicate parts of yourself that still need healing from past trauma. This can lead to spinning your wheels, trying to come up with an ironclad solution that will protect you now and forever. The anxiety kicks in: “Well, if I do this, what if it triggers that? Then I would need to do this, but that could cause something bad to happen down the line...” and the cycle continues. It becomes an endless loop, where the focus is solely on avoiding anything bad happening, causing an overwhelming amount of anxiety. And I think we can all agree—that’s not healthy. At that point, I started to get frustrated with myself, questioning why I was responding and thinking this way. I kept wondering how I should handle the situation despite all these feelings creeping up. It felt like, Ugh, is this something I need to change about myself, too?
Let me give you some background information. I’m an Aquarius sun, moon, and Mercury, with a Sagittarius rising sign. If you’re familiar with astrology, or if you share any of these placements, you might understand where I’m going with this. For those who aren’t into astrology, let me break it down for you. This combination can be described as a contradictory, polarizing, oxymoronic collaboration of characteristics.
On one hand, I’m all about community and community-building. On the other hand, I need my alone time to regroup, think through my plans, recover, and reenergize after exposure to high levels of social activity. I want people to accept me for who I am—flaws and all. I want the freedom to be my complete self without worrying about how I’ll be perceived. Yet, at the same time, my personality is very quirky, can be perceived as a little weird at times, high-energy and can be a lot for some people to handle. It’s like I’m all over the place, but also a peaceful presence. It’s crazy, right?
But here’s the thing: you don’t need to share my astrological chart to recognize the same complexities within yourself. We all have these layers, quirks, and contradictions that make us who we are. Realizing this made me reflect on how we must be realistic, even in our growth.
Sometimes, we get so used to constantly analyzing ourselves, thinking, "This needs to change," or "That needs to be adjusted," that we forget that some parts of us are just who we are. These little quirks—these idiosyncrasies—make us special in our own right. Perfection is never the goal.
Tweaking who you are endlessly in an attempt to 'improve' is not the path to true growth. It becomes a never-ending rabbit hole, always casting your imperfections in a negative light. In this situation, I realized that I can remain the quirky, beautiful individual that I am while making decisions based on what feels necessary in the moment. I trust that, if other challenges arise, I have the tools within myself to handle them when the time comes.
Think of it this way: the sun is hot and bright. Some people love the sun; they thrive in hot weather and can bask in it all day. Others enjoy it, but in smaller doses, with precautions. They may need sunglasses or a sun hat to protect themselves, but they still love the opportunity to bask in it. Then, there are those who wish they could enjoy the sun, but aren’t equipped to handle it. Their eyes and skin can’t tolerate the heat and brightness, making it uncomfortable for them.
But guess what? Regardless of how people handle the sun, it doesn’t adjust according to their needs. The sun doesn’t become less hot or less bright because of how others perceive it. It continues to shine brightly and emit warmth, allowing others to adjust accordingly.
I share this to say: continue being your beautiful self. In that authenticity, you will find the answers to every situation you encounter. And for the others, they will adjust as needed.
Love you lots!
-Sacred
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