Today feels heavy. I’m under the weather, grappling with a whirlwind of emotions and responsibilities. There’s a fine line between pushing myself to maintain a routine and recognizing when I really need a break. This internal struggle has led me to a this question: How do I gently care for myself while dealing with major changes, especially when I’m doing it alone?
Life can feel overwhelming when you’re trying to implement new habits, break old ones, and hold yourself accountable. Trying to figure out if you need a break or if you are avoiding a hard task can have your emotions and thoughts all over the place. I've never understood how people just seem to know how to take care of themselves—in all aspects. Like, how do they know when to work vs. rest? How do they know when to set boundaries in social scenarios vs. when to extend grace and understanding? How do people know? If it is from examples of how their family and friends treat them, then I am in trouble. My father was the closest thing I had to someone who actually cared about me and cared about what happened to me from one day to the next. Everyone else, including friends in the past, treated me as if I didn't need help and would figure it out because I usually did. I’m literally out here just winging it!
I heard someone say that many people think their life is better when they are in a partnership. They went on to say that you aren’t your best just because you are in a relationship, but rather, when you are in a relationship, that’s when you take better care of yourself. You take better care of your home, your body, your life. You get cute, do your hair, take care of your skin, work out, go out and about being social—all in the name of building this relationship with the goal of winning them over. However, when you are single, you tend to neglect a lot of these areas in your life, and then you wonder why your inner self feels less than. It’s because you are only taking better care of yourself when you want to impress someone else. But shouldn't you be the first and main person that you want to impress? Like, we work jobs that we give so much to—literally, our time and energy—and then we have nothing left to give to ourselves.
I've spent so much time pouring into others that I never learned how to pour into myself.
So, I decided that since I don’t have a frame of reference outwardly, I would look at how I am there for people and things outside of myself: how I take care of others, how I show up for others, how hard I work for organizations. You get the point. And I decided to take that same energy and direct it back to myself and do it for me. I started doing things like working out because I gained a lot of weight since COVID, and I thought, if you were dating someone, you’d be working out and eating right. Soooo, you should do this for yourself. I was looking at my creativity and thinking, if I gave half the effort I give to these jobs, I could really enjoy my creativity in its fullness. A lot of times, I don't want to go, don't want to do it, don't want to finish it, but I will show up fully in spite of for everyone else—and now it's time to do it for me. Holding myself accountable while creating a space for self-love is an ongoing journey. It’s about recognizing that my value doesn’t solely depend on external validation. I’m learning to appreciate my uniqueness—my humor, my spirit, and even my flaws. This mindset shift is freeing. It releases me from the pressure to perform for others and allows me to engage in activities that genuinely bring me peace and joy. I’ve begun to see my body, my talents, and my aspirations as worthy of care and respect. I remind myself that I’ve survived tough times before, and I can do it again. I trust in my ability to adapt and flourish, even when challenges arise. It’s okay to take a break, to rest, and to regroup. Life doesn’t stop when I do; it simply shifts.
Always Remember:
As you navigate this journey of self-discovery and care, also learn to embrace the process. It’s okay to have days when you don’t feel your best. It’s okay to take a step back or to curl up under the covers and just breathe. Stop waiting for someone else to validate your worth. Do it for yourself.
In the end, my journey is mine alone. I will continue to seek joy in the small things, to nurture my passions, and to love myself fiercely. I may not have a clear roadmap, but I trust that I have everything I need within me. This is my life, and I’m committed to living it for me, with grace and understanding.
Love you lots! – Sacred
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